2019. what a year. a bummed year.
4 months flew by and i feel like im in a rut.
who knew that your work partner could make or break your mood/life.
It hasnt been a good year for me.

Other the fact that im looking forward to vacays and weddings (well, not mine...)
and adjusting to this shitting #adulting thing. Picking a house scares me. Talking about the future excites me but i seem to react quite badly when zh talks to me.

zh.... so thankful for him. i could not have ended with a better partner.
his patience, his helpfulness, his smile, his affections. has spoilt me...


hi giveupthegrudge! missed me?
i sure do miss you.
i miss penning my thoughts,
because most of the time my thoughts get lost in space
and i just had a revelation that my memory is so so bad! either that or my brain cells are lazy af

rmb my previous post about going on a running date with butterflies in my stomach?
it was a successful second date with luah (duh!) 2 years ago... and look where it led to today! we're currently sitting in the same room doing our own things & he inspired me to go back to writing down my thoughts, only cause i read his journal.

wow it truly has been long, many things has changed,
and change is good. and i wish for more change to happen quickly,
(i'm millennial and we only do instant gratification k)

just got back from yet another europe trip #alwaysblessed
and still finding my bearings. happy to have experienced Cannes again with my fav bosses and colleagues, and fulfil my yearly visits in the uk to meet my relatives yay!

one thing that has been giving red signals on my mind lately is the bills i have to start paying for the family as part of my contribution. ashamed to say i cannot get used to this, i've been brought up in an environment whereby my dad takes cares of everything, i mean everything.. food, bills, school fees, insurance, car, travels, house, maintenance fee, and when some of them are given to me recently as responsibilities, i feel like my life is over and has been whining like a broken telephone... this is #adulting. i realised that my dad is amazing in supporting the family financially #salutes and it just confirms the point that i'm incredibly selfish. only caring about my future in the next phase of life and saving up only for my needs. i need to deal with it with grace and be content. great things will come
luah, quick! marry me!!! haha











i miss penning my thoughts,
it's been 3 years im guessing.

im sooo nervous for later,
who the hell goes for a running date
with butterflies in their stomach.



































































the year is ending, what a smooth blessed year it has been.
the grad trip i was looking forward to.. i had such a blast and i nvr do get sick
watching my video over and over and over again.
and graduating with a job in hand, i cant ask for anything more.

however, studying and working is a whole new different world altogether.
it has been a new experience. the people in my office are super nice and encouraging, especially my bosses, i cant be any blessed. buttttt subconsciously, some things dont sit right with me.
i feel like i have shrunk way back into my comfort zone and dont know how to come out of it.
i feel like i haven't been growing as a person for the past few years, i feel like i dont have my own voice, i feel like i dont know how to socialize, i feel like i have so much things to learn and to overcome. it overwhelms me most of the time, but i know how to put on my pokerface and pretend everything is good.
yup lifes good. im comfortable. too comfortable. the tv shows i watch are enough, the meals are covered, i have clothes to hide in, i am provided for, everything is amazing. you think?!? you think.
i feel stupid for settling before even fighting for myself and for the things that i love doing.
this was going on for the past few months, 5 months to be exact, from the time i started working.
i have been floating by.

yesterday i was hanging w nabs and i think he ripped me hard. he made me think, he made me ashamed of my so called life. he definitely made me learn.

missing days where i was carefree and driven, without a care in the world, baking, doing crafts, showing affection, making the effort to meet people.... and just living hard.